Blogging
I have been thinking about this blog quite a bit lately. I have so many things I'd like to share via the blog but I always sit back and think who what I have to say will hurt and who will find appreciation for what I share. It's not an easy place to be in for I don't want my "speaking my truth" to be out of the element of compassion and caring for others and where they are in their life.
Lynn and I have gone through something recently that has taken me through many different areas of thoughts. Someone Lynn has been close to committed suicide. Not only did she choose to end her life but, she chose to do this by laying down in front of a train.
At first, all I could do was literally feel sick and do my best not to "tap" into it because I honestly didn't want to *see* or to *know* the details on this gruesomeness.
I don't think anyone who knew this woman well was surprised that she chose to end her life but, I do believe we were all in a place of shock over the way she chose to do this.
This woman had been mentally ill for a very very long time (perhaps her entire life) and caused upheaval and discord for all who were close to her. She became someone many of us feared because of her unpredictable behavior. One never knew what she was going to do or when and to what degree the action would take its course. I don't think anyone of us was in a place of easiness knowing she was around.
After the initial shock, I believe all of us her knew her well just felt a sense of deep relief. Relief that she personally wasn't in such a tortured place anymore and relief for us as individuals to not have to worry about what she would do next and what unexpected turn this could potentially take.
I now have a deeper understanding of this woman from a standpoint of the soul and the soul's decisions and aspirations for growth when coming into a life. I believe that as we incarnate into a new life that we have the opportunity to go over with those who are joined with us in determining the best path for our soul's growth. I have a clarity now that hasn't been there before regarding this woman and her life.
She began "coming through" a few days after her death and I held it at bay for awhile until I felt the message become clearer and not so disjointed ... mainly for my mental benefit. I waited until I felt an "ok" from my guides and that the time was right to allow her through.
This woman had been found to be incredibly narcissistic and I now have clarity on that.
When coming into this life, she made the decisions along with those who were assisting her to do just this. The main decision for this life and her soul's growth was to basically be introduced to life with a biological family that offered hardship and little support. She made this choice to move past karmic connection with these people by moving through her life in a solitary manner.
This life was to be basically about her and her soul's growth. It was intended to become convoluted by extraneous relationships. She had basically made the choice to move through this life in a manner that would best help her to move past these karmic relationships with her biological family.
Somehow, this got all messed up. The only thing that remained was the narcissistic behavior and attitude.
Her "love" relationships didn't go so well. Her first marriage was short. Her second marriage to Lynn was longer than should have been. She showed me their relationship. He had made an agreement with her prior to coming into this life that should they connect and he felt her going off course of her soul's endeavor that he would be a "friend" and help her get back on this path.
The thing with being in the physical is these kinds of things somehow get messed up and we don't have clear understanding. They both felt the connection and the attraction because of the connection (as indeed it was a strong one) and they chose to marry. From what I have heard and understood I don't feel the marriage was ever a healthy one and it ended abruptly and in an odd manner ... on her part. (One that she regretted throughout the rest of her life...) There was some part of her that knew of the need to have Lynn in her life but, she had it all misconstrued thinking he was to be her "love partner" and that wasn't really the case.
Regarding children, again in her initial choice to come into this life to basically go through it in a solitary manner with no deep ties (relationships) this included children. There was a point where she understood this and then it switched and she decided she had a deep need to have a child. She had many many miscarriages and when she did finally hold a child, it wasn't an easy pregnancy. She was bedridden from early in the pregnancy onwards.
There is no doubt in my mind that she loved this child but, the child has suffered at her hands and at her simple existence in ways one can't truly understand.
Things in this woman's life were so messed up that the most logical way was to just leave to start over again. She said many times to those close to her just this ... she was ready to just leave and try again.
There are those who say suicide is a selfish act as it leaves those feeling guilt, etc. In this case, it was probably one of the most unselfish things this woman ever did for herself and for those around her. She is no longer the tortured soul torturing all who loved her. She made a decision to end her life in a way that was a "done deal" and there would be no repercussion. It was probably one of the most sound choices this woman made in her adult life. She had everything in order and lined up.
In a way, I feel we should honor this woman and the choice she made. I am sure it was difficult as she left a daughter and a grandchild whom I know she loved deeply. She left other family members that basically have now breathed a sigh of relief that all are out of pain and torment.
This was the least selfish thing I have seen this woman do in 11 years of association with her. As brutal as it was, it is done and as her daughter says "she is on her train to her next destination". I prefer to join her daughter in this thought and in this appreciation of where she is going.
Shalom Aleichem
Lynn and I have gone through something recently that has taken me through many different areas of thoughts. Someone Lynn has been close to committed suicide. Not only did she choose to end her life but, she chose to do this by laying down in front of a train.
At first, all I could do was literally feel sick and do my best not to "tap" into it because I honestly didn't want to *see* or to *know* the details on this gruesomeness.
I don't think anyone who knew this woman well was surprised that she chose to end her life but, I do believe we were all in a place of shock over the way she chose to do this.
This woman had been mentally ill for a very very long time (perhaps her entire life) and caused upheaval and discord for all who were close to her. She became someone many of us feared because of her unpredictable behavior. One never knew what she was going to do or when and to what degree the action would take its course. I don't think anyone of us was in a place of easiness knowing she was around.
After the initial shock, I believe all of us her knew her well just felt a sense of deep relief. Relief that she personally wasn't in such a tortured place anymore and relief for us as individuals to not have to worry about what she would do next and what unexpected turn this could potentially take.
I now have a deeper understanding of this woman from a standpoint of the soul and the soul's decisions and aspirations for growth when coming into a life. I believe that as we incarnate into a new life that we have the opportunity to go over with those who are joined with us in determining the best path for our soul's growth. I have a clarity now that hasn't been there before regarding this woman and her life.
She began "coming through" a few days after her death and I held it at bay for awhile until I felt the message become clearer and not so disjointed ... mainly for my mental benefit. I waited until I felt an "ok" from my guides and that the time was right to allow her through.
This woman had been found to be incredibly narcissistic and I now have clarity on that.
When coming into this life, she made the decisions along with those who were assisting her to do just this. The main decision for this life and her soul's growth was to basically be introduced to life with a biological family that offered hardship and little support. She made this choice to move past karmic connection with these people by moving through her life in a solitary manner.
This life was to be basically about her and her soul's growth. It was intended to become convoluted by extraneous relationships. She had basically made the choice to move through this life in a manner that would best help her to move past these karmic relationships with her biological family.
Somehow, this got all messed up. The only thing that remained was the narcissistic behavior and attitude.
Her "love" relationships didn't go so well. Her first marriage was short. Her second marriage to Lynn was longer than should have been. She showed me their relationship. He had made an agreement with her prior to coming into this life that should they connect and he felt her going off course of her soul's endeavor that he would be a "friend" and help her get back on this path.
The thing with being in the physical is these kinds of things somehow get messed up and we don't have clear understanding. They both felt the connection and the attraction because of the connection (as indeed it was a strong one) and they chose to marry. From what I have heard and understood I don't feel the marriage was ever a healthy one and it ended abruptly and in an odd manner ... on her part. (One that she regretted throughout the rest of her life...) There was some part of her that knew of the need to have Lynn in her life but, she had it all misconstrued thinking he was to be her "love partner" and that wasn't really the case.
Regarding children, again in her initial choice to come into this life to basically go through it in a solitary manner with no deep ties (relationships) this included children. There was a point where she understood this and then it switched and she decided she had a deep need to have a child. She had many many miscarriages and when she did finally hold a child, it wasn't an easy pregnancy. She was bedridden from early in the pregnancy onwards.
There is no doubt in my mind that she loved this child but, the child has suffered at her hands and at her simple existence in ways one can't truly understand.
Things in this woman's life were so messed up that the most logical way was to just leave to start over again. She said many times to those close to her just this ... she was ready to just leave and try again.
There are those who say suicide is a selfish act as it leaves those feeling guilt, etc. In this case, it was probably one of the most unselfish things this woman ever did for herself and for those around her. She is no longer the tortured soul torturing all who loved her. She made a decision to end her life in a way that was a "done deal" and there would be no repercussion. It was probably one of the most sound choices this woman made in her adult life. She had everything in order and lined up.
In a way, I feel we should honor this woman and the choice she made. I am sure it was difficult as she left a daughter and a grandchild whom I know she loved deeply. She left other family members that basically have now breathed a sigh of relief that all are out of pain and torment.
This was the least selfish thing I have seen this woman do in 11 years of association with her. As brutal as it was, it is done and as her daughter says "she is on her train to her next destination". I prefer to join her daughter in this thought and in this appreciation of where she is going.
Shalom Aleichem
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